last night i went to the finals of the williamsburg singer/songwriter competition to see my friends...i had four "friends" playing or rather three aquaintences and one friend...whatever...semantics....i went to this show...as i suspected i was both impressed and dissapointed by the evening. i have never been a big fan of competitions like that...they are so subjective...i mean, is one of the judges eating dinner during your two songs? does your music remind them of their ex-lover that broke their heart and they are using your scores to exact revenge...you know what i mean...so many variables and rarely, if ever, does the final tally represent what my final tally would be. however, last night, it kinda did. i mean i really went out to support my friend jeff jacobson cause i think he is great and should have won...he has been playing for years and is far more acomplished as a musician than i am, certainly, than most musicians i know as well (no offense). i just think he deserves his props, you know? but he did play really well and a lot of people got to see him and in the end, the three people that won were the other three people i thought should win (maybe because i like them as people, again, subjective) regardless, overall i though it was a good night and a decent cause and i am glad that my friend theo eastwind won cause he's a great songwriter and i know he needs the cash.
i myself did not enter the competition...however, last night i had a wicked dream about it...i was competing and i was getting ready to play aaron's song and my bottom string broke and i couldn't think of any other songs i could play in open D without a bottom string so i just left the stage. i'm going to put some thought into that one but i am pretty sure that it has something to do with me feeling depressed and broken and my cure being an easy fix and i just can't see it or something like that. must be keeping myself from sucess for some reason...
also...as i was in the dozes of early morning sleep i was thinking about what three songs i would have played if i had entered...my initial thoughts were to play covers of my friends songs which would have gotten me disqualified immediately which brings me back to the "why do it" point. it also brings me back to the"why can't i get excited about my own damn songs or write any new music" point.
i mean, something's got to give people. i'm broke and tired and pulled in ten directions by people that may or may not know what they need but seem to think it is me and i can't take a moment for myself to figure out why...much less write a song...of fix my broken string(it's a metaphor people, work with me here). not to dump this all on you or make my life seem worse than it is(because i am genrally pretty content, i like my job and my apartment and i have good friends).
maybe i just need some coffee....
tonight, i shall go with my friend jeff (williamsburg songer/songwriter competition finalist and in my opinion "the shit") to see our friends ivan and ed in their band ECHOLALIA play at the rockaway music hall or something like that...near the old living room...and then off to piano's to see my friend rob from NO LINDSAY. tomorrow COCKROACH is traveling to connecticut for a show via train and cabs and that should rock. Sunday i will do my taxes. Monday the babyskins are having their cd release party. Tuesday night wisky breath. Wednesday my open mic. Thursday dinner with a friend (none of your business) and Friday i will rest and clean my apartment in preperation for the arrival of my mother who will be visiting for three days and going to my show on sunday the 20th(if you want to meet her).
just in case you were wondering what i will be up to. now you can stalk me. i hope you are doing well. it's cold again so make sure you bundle up before going outside ok. love you. -a

it is getting warmer...although i have a sinking feeling that this is just a temporary warmness....still...for now it is rather nice to have the idea of warmth. as usual, my sunday morning diary entry ritual....coffee...light pouring through my window...screams of extacy from the couple next door...oh wait , thats a new thing (i myself have never been one for screaming although i have participated in debates over the "truth" to the scream, and ironically, as i was drifting off to sleep last night there was some silly tv show talking about that "scene" in when harry met sally and i began to ponder the notion of "loud and fake" verses "quiet and real". i suppose one would have to be having some kind of partner to test these ideas but whatever. i can wait. i'm not bitter.) needless to say i am glad the dude next door finally got a girl. very happy for them indeed.
this is the band that i have been singing in. it is called COCKROACH. i really enjoy singing in the band. there are six of us. we have a show on tuesday at Pianos and it is going to be a big one. i'm pretty psyched. i myself have never played on the mainstage at pianos and it is kind of an honor...deffinately a step up. nice place. and i hear that the people that we are on the bill with are reeally cool....this girl Bonfire Madigan, and Diane Cluck and Solar Face. anyway, i think dan has listed everything on our myspace site. last night i went to see my friends "The Undisputed Heavyweights" and it really rocked. it was at this new club where the living room used to be. the club is tiny but it is nice. as i was sitting on the floor in the front (because there were so many people there there was nowhere else to sit) i noticed the expert craftsmanship on the wide plank wood flooring and the really nice heavy cast iron cabaret tables. not to mention my nine dollar glass of wine was served in a georgous tall glass. i mean the nine dollars is not just for the alchol people...it's for the ambience...the luxury...(next time i will take a flask due to monetary constraints but it was a lovely evening) anyway...i myeslf don't have a lot of stuff going on. waiting for my friend gregg to get back into town so we can start practicing up for the big amy hills band (whatever that turns into) and record this EP i have been thinking about for a while. i am playing at the winter 2005 anti-folk festival at the end of this month and then i am playing a band show (hopefully) at the end of march and two solo shows at the beginning of april but i'm not booking anything else for now. toying with the idea of saving some money, getting a car and planning a semi national tour in the late spring. i'll keep you posted though. i do hope that you are doing well. please e-mail me. i love hearing about other peoples lives. oh yes, and if i don't talk to you before hand, happy valentines day to all you lovers out there. love you -a