saturday morning after a long week of working and fighting between what i have to do and what i want to do and being alone and not being alone and writing and not writing and so i slept in, which for me means until 9:30. need to spend the day cleaning and doing laundry, but i think i'm just going to let the house rot and play guitar. i'm recording tonight and tomorrow so hopefully i will be half way through this album going into next week.

i say this knowing full well that at some point during the day i will just start cleaning because the dirt just gets under my skin and for some reason cleaning is one of my favorite things to do when i need to think.

i used to have this boyfriend...it wasn't a very healthy relationship...our house was always spotless. always.

i had a very strange dream last night that i was in a house that i think i owned and a group of homeless men came and got pots and pans and food out of the basement to cook in the back yard and i kept offereing them things from inside and they, of course, took what i was offering. my favorite on line dream interpreter says that cooking in a dream means...

"The cook might be illustrating practical life skills to make your life experience palatable, such as the means of dealing with life. or caring for yourself, in the sense of adjusting life situations. This might also link with motherhood or responsibility - of feeding ones family. It can also portray reproduction.

If you are cooking for someone: This may show you giving of yourself to someone."

i know i'm not pregnant so i guess i'll just deal with life.

having a small glass or orangina before cooking up my favorite whole wheat english muffin with egg white, munster and avacado.

it's a beautiful day.

wish me luck.

love you

-amy

it has been two weeks since i have written and i am sorry. for all of you loyal friends and family and fans that have been concerned for my well being, rest assured. i am well. aaron's death was life changing, and someday i will be ready to talk about it. not yet. i have, however, written a new song for arron called "aaron's song" (go freakin' figure) that i think pretty much sums up how i feel about the whole experience.
in fact, now that i think about it, every time i have a difficult time expressing how i feel i write a song about it.

i have been working a lot and it is getting increasingly stressfull as my time away from work is decreasing. i really don't think it is the job. i think for most people this is the case. we get so frustrated at work, but really, we are just frustrated with life and blaming it on work. we all have to work. we should just suck it up and make the most of it and improve out lives outside of work. that part we can actually do something about. (unless work really does suck hard core, in which case think about why you are staying and what you have to lose by not.)

my parents were here for a week, and it was nice to have them here but it meant not much recording happened and not much sleep either. i did, however, eat very well, and may be unrecognizable to some of you the next time that you see me as a result of the massive water weight gain.

there is a showcase this sunday at the parkside with three of my favorite people; danny kelly, dave o'neal, and vita izabella. if you don't know any of these people you are really missing out on a great opportunity to know some incredible musicians. really, really good people. great music. it's 7-9:30 and it's free. i'll be there. naked. just kidding.

the hard drive arrived from gateway today after two months of anguish, so the site and my personal computer should be up and ruinning within the week. the site is going to have a lot of changes, including the addition of music on the music page and pictures on the gallery page. i know, it's about time. sorry. there are just so many hours in the day and time goes quickly wen i am running an event every wed and doing this thing sunday and working.

i mean really...what happened to june and july? how did i almost completely miss two months?

i'm listening to david grey and i still love it, even after hundreds of listenings. my friend linda and i went to see him concert four years ago and it was really good. he's pretty adorable, and although his moniter was acting up and he has more guitars than anyone should ever need, i was insanely jealous. i had no idea then that i would be here now. i wasn't even performing my own material much at that point.

so...my advice for the evening...embrace change, even when it hurts. figure out who the hell you are and learn how to love yourself. if you don't no one else will, and i don't blame them. ( i, of course, am excluded from this remark because i will love you no matter how miserable you are. i was born a martyr, just like my parents)

be careful, come sunday night if you can, keep your eyes open for the new site and the new music.

thank you, thank you, thank you.

-amy

my friend aaron is dead. i could write a novel about him. i can't stop shaking. i will never be the same.

please go to the sidewalk tomorrow night if you are in town. it is on the corner of 6th street and avenue A. My friend Danny Kelly will play one of aaron's songs and then open the stage for people to song and talk about aaron.

you may have known aaron wilkinson as "cowboy", or the hot lead singer of Ffui, or the white boy with dreads, but i know him as a beautiful man from texas who had so much to give the world that he doidn't know what to do with all of it.

if you are my friend, or if you were aaron's friend, please don't go to your party or your fireworks tomorrow night. please go to the sidewalk cafe and pay tribute to one of the most beautiful people i have ever known.

he was just amazing.

i am flying out of town in five mintutes and will not be back until tuesday. next wednesday's open mic will be dedicated to aaron.

i have no idea what to do with any of this pain.

i really do love all of my friends here in new york. and i love the sidewalk antifolk community that lach has created and maintained. and i will do everything in my power to support my friends in that community to the best of my ability for the rest of my life.

please be careful. talk to your friends about the dangers of drugs. tell them you love them.

-amy

finished q-train. guitar and vocals (that's right, plural) so, three songs down, eight to go.

38 hours till i am back in charelston for the weekend. i have to do this because i have this bad habit of working a lot and then playing music a lot and forgetting that i can't write songs unless i live a little. so, i'm talking a little trip. because i can.

the 8th ave/14th street train station added a bunch of new cute little figures. now it looks like the station is crawling with little bronze round people holding tokens(which are not used in the subway anymore). it is great. i am constantly amazed at the effort this city makes to add art to public places. there are musicians that make their living, with the support of the city, in the subway, art at almost every stop, whetner it is tile or paint or crazy sound wave thingies or little rolly poley men.

my sister is coming up to have lunch with me today. feels like i haven't seen her in ages. oh, wait, i haven't.

open mic tonight, hope it goes well. it has been consistently packed which is really cool.

sorry i'm not so prolific today. i didn't have breakfast.

love you

-amy